Are you restless like me?

I love the show House. And, as Brittany put it, "Dr. Chase is dreamy."

Here. He looks kind of angry, but it's hot anyway.

Why are there so many fucking references to suicide EVERYWHERE? Movies, books, music. I swear I come across at least 3 or 4 things a week that remind me that Salim killed himself. A couple weeks ago this song was on a cd my sister burned that I used to love but this time it made me start crying. In eighth grade we would listen to it all the time and sing it, we thought it was hilarious and great. But I don't think I can ever listen to it again. It's called "5000 Ways to Die" by Nerf Herder and it's a satire about ways to kill yourself and what happens afterward. I don't condemn the people who wrote it or people who listen to it, but I know I can't hear it without crying now.

But I think being reminded of it is kind of a good thing, this way I won't forget him. And I won't forget that I need to be nice to everyone and do my best to not hurt anyone.

I realized that I can honestly say that I have never thought about killing myself. I've thought about leaving, like moving in with a relative or something. Killing myself just never came up as an option to relieve the sadness and stress that I'm prone to feeling. I guess I just have always had the fact that things change and something has to give sometime in the back of my mind. I don't think of anything as permanent, except for death.

I just finished Death of a Salesman, which of course has a character commit suicide at the end. That's what brought this up.

This summer I will find my senior quote.
As of right now, I have three options:

"It is not enough to succeed, others must fail." -Gore Vidal
"I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman
"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Any thoughts?

Why can't I think/dream/talk about clouds or something? The thought/dream/conversation always ends up about people.

Sometimes I don't want to know anybody, other times I want to know everybody.

I have to write 1000 words about Oedipus by 4:30pm tomorrow.

I smell like apple shampoo and laundry detergent.

A wasp tried to steal the minivan from me.

I got my license in the mail today. The picture was taken just about a year ago.

Today I went to Thrift Town and saw 3 people I know, then got a haircut, then drove Jenny over to Walgreens and the post office because her mom had wrist surgery and no one else was around to drive.

I just looked, and I got a haircut exactly a year ago tomorrow. Weird.

Fuck optimism. I get too excited, too easily.

I realized that I can't take cold showers.

Here's what my train-of-though sounded like:
-I need to take a shower.
-It's gonna be hot.
-I take hot showers, even when it's hot.
-Why don't I take cold showers?
-I don't feel clean afterward.

It was something like that.

I want to spend the day exploring tomorrow.

It sucks that I have homework during summer, but at least I'm getting dressed and out of the house more often than I would if I didn't have a class. Plus, a cute guy in my class complimented me on the presentation I gave the other day. That and I guess I'm learning and stuff like that.

I think it's supposed to be cooler tomorrow. I think I should go to sleep.

I don't want to sleep, it's too warm.
I like college, and driving.
I don't think my English teacher knows I'm 17. I don't want to be 17 anymore, it's too transitional. I realized that I don't mind change, but I hate transition. When something is going to change, I want it to happen fast. I don't want time to adjust.

Why can't summer be 10 degrees cooler? Maybe that mini ice age they talk about on Discovery channel wouldn't be so bad. But then they say that there's global warming. How can we be about to have a mini ice age when the ice caps are melting rather than growing? Silly scientists.

Thursdays are the new Fridays.

I don't remember who was asking me this, but the song "Walkie Talkie Man" with the video with all the yarn is by Steriogram. Here's the video. They're from New Zealand.

I PASSED MY LICENSE TEST ON THE FIRST TRY!!!
(I only got 8 points off.)

It's the first day of summer vacation. And I have homework. I'm regretting signing up for this English class at Chabot.

I like songs about breaking windows with bricks.