Are you restless like me?
Jenna's former blog. It will still be here, but she will not be here.4/17/2005
This is about as social as I get now.
I was looking at some random blogs and I realized that people must think they're really clever when they come up with their blog names and descriptions. And they try to make their posts funny and witty, and most aren't so good at any of it.
I know that when I post on here I quite often try to be funny, so I was wondering if it comes off as silly and like I'm trying too hard. Because I was under the impression that I'm a good writer, but I bet these people were, too.
I said that instead of doing my homework I just wanted to sleep, my sister insisted that I do that. She says I try too hard, and I should just do enough to be considered "good enough." She says that it's not that important. I really wish that I could see things that way sometimes, it would save me from a lot of stress. And I'd probably have more fun and all, but I can't just forget about it. I know that I can and should get A's in all of my classes and if I don't then I screwed up and didn't work hard enough. To me that's one of the worst feelings, not getting the amount of credit that I could have gotten, not doing things well enough. I guess in some ways I'm a perfectionist, but in others I'm far from it. What I know is that I have high standards for my own work, and sometimes that of others. I've been sheltered and surrounded by intelligence my whole life, and I can't accept stupidity anymore, be it mine or someone else's. And this causes problems, then combined with my procrastination problems it brings an immense amount of stress, purely from myself. No one pushes me nearly as hard as myself. My mom encourages me to do my work and all, but she's never threatened to take away privileges or anything, she's never even said that I should have done better or tried harder. This is going to sound terribly snobby, but I haven't come across anything so far that I couldn't grasp after a few days, school-wise. A few times it's taken me a little longer than others, but I've always picked things up quickly. And this scares the crap out of me. Those few times that I didn't get it right away I almost started to panic and I got really upset at myself. I know sooner or later, probably sooner, that I'm not going to understand something and I'm not going to do so well and I know that I'm going to hate myself for it. And that is a really horrible thing to think about.
Oh, don't tell me to not be so hard on myself, please. It's not as easy as it sounds, in fact, I think it may be impossible.
I'm sorry for sounding like a complete ass.
I know that when I post on here I quite often try to be funny, so I was wondering if it comes off as silly and like I'm trying too hard. Because I was under the impression that I'm a good writer, but I bet these people were, too.
I said that instead of doing my homework I just wanted to sleep, my sister insisted that I do that. She says I try too hard, and I should just do enough to be considered "good enough." She says that it's not that important. I really wish that I could see things that way sometimes, it would save me from a lot of stress. And I'd probably have more fun and all, but I can't just forget about it. I know that I can and should get A's in all of my classes and if I don't then I screwed up and didn't work hard enough. To me that's one of the worst feelings, not getting the amount of credit that I could have gotten, not doing things well enough. I guess in some ways I'm a perfectionist, but in others I'm far from it. What I know is that I have high standards for my own work, and sometimes that of others. I've been sheltered and surrounded by intelligence my whole life, and I can't accept stupidity anymore, be it mine or someone else's. And this causes problems, then combined with my procrastination problems it brings an immense amount of stress, purely from myself. No one pushes me nearly as hard as myself. My mom encourages me to do my work and all, but she's never threatened to take away privileges or anything, she's never even said that I should have done better or tried harder. This is going to sound terribly snobby, but I haven't come across anything so far that I couldn't grasp after a few days, school-wise. A few times it's taken me a little longer than others, but I've always picked things up quickly. And this scares the crap out of me. Those few times that I didn't get it right away I almost started to panic and I got really upset at myself. I know sooner or later, probably sooner, that I'm not going to understand something and I'm not going to do so well and I know that I'm going to hate myself for it. And that is a really horrible thing to think about.
Oh, don't tell me to not be so hard on myself, please. It's not as easy as it sounds, in fact, I think it may be impossible.
I'm sorry for sounding like a complete ass.
posted by Jennanana # 9:45 PM 
Comments:
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Dont worry, you wil end up coming out on top of everybody, like you always do. People may insult you, may call you a nerd, but you will still be better than them. Dont let people tell you that you should hold yorself back. You may be a workaholic, but that is definately not a bad quality...
# posted by 
: 11:01 PM
: 11:01 PM
You shouldn't work so hard that you get stressed out. That's the worst thing you could do. Especially because it sounds like you are a very bright girl. Also, don't feel bad about grasping things easily. I never studied in high school or community college and never got below a B. I only studied once I was at Berkeley.
The reason you are scared that you will come across something you don't understand is because you put too much effort into things that you already do understand. If you would just take it easy and let things come easily that come easily, you'll have plenty of time/brainpower left for the more challenging things.
But you're right. Don't sell yourself short. Don't settle for what is below your caliber, but also don't forget that enjoying yourself is the most important thing you can do throughout your entire life.
Stress is hardly ever worth it.
The reason you are scared that you will come across something you don't understand is because you put too much effort into things that you already do understand. If you would just take it easy and let things come easily that come easily, you'll have plenty of time/brainpower left for the more challenging things.
But you're right. Don't sell yourself short. Don't settle for what is below your caliber, but also don't forget that enjoying yourself is the most important thing you can do throughout your entire life.
Stress is hardly ever worth it.
The thing is, Tommy, I don't put much effort into the things that come easily. I think I've studied a total of once this year. Just sitting down with a textbook isn't my thing. I'm not scared that I won't understand something, that's inevitable, but I'm scared of how I react when I don't understand. It's been ingrained in me that I should be able to instantly grasp everything thrown my way, and it's mostly my own fault. And when I don't get something I get frustrated and mad at myself, but it still doesn't really motivate me to try any harder. I guess I'm scared of giving up.
The stress isn't as bad as I made it sound, I was just in a moment when I wrote that last night. It's a Sunday-night thing. The stress usually only lasts until I actually start the work, then everything works itself out. I'd say 93% of the time I'm pretty carefree, not reckless, but not worried.
I'm dreaming of Berkeley. This highschool thing is so played out.
(Thanks for the kind words Salim, but I'm far from a workaholic.)
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The stress isn't as bad as I made it sound, I was just in a moment when I wrote that last night. It's a Sunday-night thing. The stress usually only lasts until I actually start the work, then everything works itself out. I'd say 93% of the time I'm pretty carefree, not reckless, but not worried.
I'm dreaming of Berkeley. This highschool thing is so played out.
(Thanks for the kind words Salim, but I'm far from a workaholic.)
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