Are you restless like me?

I think I have a lot to write tonight, we'll see how it pans out.

First, an open letter to Danny, seeing as he isn't responding to email anymore. I think he still reads this though.
(Disclaimer: I'm posting this here because I don't mind who reads it, but please no critiques or anything. I'm just being honest. I suppose it's my version of closure of some sort. Oh, and I'm not trying to hurt or upset anyone, not even Danny.)

Danny,

I'd rather you completely ignored the fact that I exist than hear about the things you've supposedly been saying about me. Granted, it is mostly your friends saying these things and I've had no reason to believe them. I would like to say I have faith in you and trust that you wouldn't be making up things, but recently my trust has been waning. I was more than willing to believe nearly everything you told me, and looking back maybe it was rather naive. To go from one extreme to the opposite, or rather a lack of anything, seems so harsh. I really don't know what or who to believe anymore. Knowing you, even if you did say things that weren't true, you'll adamantly deny it. Okay then.

That's not even it though, rumors are nothing, but if you had just given me something to end it with. A reason or something. You could have just replied to the damn sappy email. In a small part of my mind it seems like it's still there. There was no sudden change. We barely even spoke at school, so it's not like that is a big difference. No one got mad, no one yelled, I wasn't even all that upset. Don't get me wrong though, I don't feel "it" anymore. I knew very well that it wasn't going to last much longer. In fact, if you hadn't done it that night, the next day I was going to propose either a major discussion or ending it, seems you wouldn't have chosen discussion. That's fine though, if you wanted to end it who am I to refuse? This isn't a topic that needs mutual agreements.

So now I say, forget it. Please do not keep dragging this out of the back of my head by causing your friends to approach me and ask about things. Just stick with your fanclub, have a good time. You may claim not to notice it, but they're all in love with you.

I said that I didn't regret it, but maybe I do now. I can't tell. I do miss our conversations about absolutely nothing and our bickering over things that don't exist, but now I notice things about you that I didn't before. Things that aren't good things. I may be imagining them or they're just magnified now because of what's happened, I don't know. I do know that I don't hate you, I just can barely stand you as of late. Who knows if that will last.

I think the biggest difference is that now, when class ends, I walk down the hill alone.

Continuing, today I woke up more alert than I have been in weeks. I don't know why, I just was. Although, as I checked the time I kept thinking it was the answer to the math problem I was working on in a dream. Yes, math has infiltrated my dreams, and my days at the beach. I found myself attempting to find ways to calculate the distance from our car on the hill to the oil tanker on the horizon using the least measurements as possible. Maybe I should be a surveyor...

I'm finally healthy again. My throat has no signs of irritation whatsoever. And I'm not as tired anymore.
I don't seem to be any more productive on the days I do my homework right away than I am when I put it off. I'm just lazy in a different order.

I thought I had more to write, but I decided to make something instead. What I'm going to make is still uncertain.