Are you restless like me?

"You should be in my space, you should be in my life."

I'm in love with Interpol right now. The two cd's I have in iTunes have been on repeat all day.

I went to Thrift Town today, the first time in over a month, I was deprived. I got a New Kids On The Block wallet, it's neon pink with black trim. I also got two blouse-things and a fishy cake pan. I wanted to bake fish-shaped cakes, but turns out you can't bake in copper, or so my mom says. So it's sitting on my shelf, looking all pretty.

I'm in the process of emofying my black sweatshirt. I'm waiting for the second color to dry before I do the third. I lost my x-acto blade though, so I can't cut the stars I wanted for the shoulders.

It doesn't feel like it's almost 7.

My mom says she'll help me bleach my hair in a little bit. Yay.

The movie was very good.
The theater was full of old geeky guys and some little kids.

And now, before it becomes too overdone;

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

I'm posting because I have some time to kill before I head into Castro Murder Valley to see HHG2G.

My mom and dad are taking me. My brother is seeing it today too out in Davis. We are a family of dorks. 'Cept for my little sister. She's just a blog-reading, mommy-telling, older-guy-dating deadbeat.

Everyone say hi to my sister Amanda. *waves*

Well, I forgot what I was going to say now.

Maybe I should wait until later in the day to post. I keep getting bored and writing more.

I think there's a mosquito in my room, I suddenly have 3 very itchy bumps, all on my left side.

Scribbling writing in layers, one line on top of another, is fun, and is one way to get other kids to look at you weirdly in class. It comes out looking really neat and entirely illegible.

My mom thinks it's weird that I can lift only my left eyebrow. According to her I'm more active in the left side of my brain which controls logic and the right side of the body, and my eyebrow raising thing is related to my smart-ass tendencies and should be controlled by the left side. But it's on the left side, controlled by the right, artsy-er side of the brain.
Either way, she hates it when I do it. I love it.

Here's a list of things you may not know about me:
- I suck at painting my nails.
- I get really mad when other people open my mail.
- I used to swing on the swing hanging from the tree in my front yard and sing quietly.
- I like writing letters.
- I'm sad whenever I finish a really good book.

Here's a list of things I can currently see in my room:
- 6 coke cans, 5 empty, one current.
- Two empty paper coffee cups.
- 6 scarves, 14 ties, 8 jackets, 4 hats, 7 shoes.
- One piece of caution tape procured from a garbage can after a little concert.
- One sticker that says FIBER.
- Two beds.
- Three forms of journals, four if you count this blog.
- Six shoe boxes, only one with shoes in it.

Once the shop class knows, it's public domain.

I guess I might as well make it common knowledge.

In case you hadn't been informed;

(how can I put this...)

I'm "unattached."
As of Monday.

YES.

My Blogger shirt came. It's brown and the logo is orange and it's really soft and Iloveit.
And how can you beat $10.50 with no tax or shipping?
You can't.

My sister's boyfriend is over. Apparently he wants me to join them in the living room. He said that I should "stop being anti-social" and come talk to them. Nah.

Ich habe ein headache.
I'm going to rest and drink coffee. At the same time.

P.S. When I ran Blogger's spell check on here I laughed because it says it's own company name is spelt wrong.

mountebank \MOUN-tuh-bank\, noun:
1. A peddler of quack medicine, who stands on a platform to appeal to the audience.
2. A charlatan; a boastful pretender to knowledge or a skill.

nascent \NAS-uhnt; NAY-suhnt\, adjective:
Beginning to exist or having recently come into existence; coming into being.

No word histories, they were bland.

Parcel 2 of 3 that I ordered on Saturday arrived today. Yesterday I received the necessary documents to get my permit, well, most of them. Today my hair dye came, along with my "Make Up Is Ugly" pin. I'm awaiting my Blogger t-shirt. It's brown. :)

I have a bunch of history homework with no due date. That's not the way to get Jenna to do an assignment.

I took a nap and I feel better.

My little sister is off somewhere with this 18-year-old, slick talking guy she met at group. They are, as she says, "going out." My parents need to be stricter.

Dammit. I accidentally pressed [Ctrl] instead of [Shift] when I capitalized that last "m" and it opened Outlook. I hate Outlook.

I'm listening to "Plea From A Cat Named Virtue" by the Weakerthans. I've had this song in rotation for about three months now, maybe four, and I just realized a week ago that it's from the cat's point-of-view.

I just (was dragged out of my room and) met the aforementioned "slick talking guy," and I have to say....DORK. Actually, he looks a little like a skin-head, with glasses. And Manda's wearing his sweatshirt, which has "PurePlayer" emblazoned across the front. What a winner.
She had gone on and on about how hot he was and frankly, I'm disappointed. When she told me (even more) about him yesterday I was joking about how I hoped he had a younger brother. Seeing as he is two years older than me, three older than her. Well, now I say I was joking after meeting the guy, but I hadn't dismissed the idea at that point.

Wrapping up, I noticed that I forgot the word-of-the-week last week, so I'll give you two in a few minutes, or maybe just one super-word-of-the-week.

I don't think I ever really woke up today.

Who wants to be super cool and go see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with me? I'm hoping to see it on Friday, 5:30 at Bayfair.
I promise not to tell you the whole story before it happens. And I'll save the comments like "that's not what they're supposed to say" until afterwards, or never if preferred.

STAR testing.
I have a love/hate relationship with this standardized testing and reporting system.
Today we started our four day long assessment relay race.
Pros:
-Less homework.
-Less classtime.
-Rather easy.
-Multiple choice!
-I usually finish in about half the time allotted.
-I can listen to my emoPod the whole time.
-There was a nice poem in part of it today, I'll most likely put it in here soon.
-I get to sit in the loner chair in the corner.

Cons:
-I hate the kids in my homeroom.
-I have to spend over three hours with the kids in my homeroom.
-The kids in my homeroom have loud-ass headphones.
-The tests are kind of boring.
-These girls in my homeroom NEVER stop talking, or singing, or dancing.

I linked people. I was hesitant about it because I knew the list would be long, but I cut some from the original. I even put it in alphabetical order to be fair, but I don't know everyone's name so I just used the title. If you're not on there, yell at me or something.

Time for math homework. Solving triangles, yay! (<--Sarcasm.)

Addendum:
Another thing that made my day, I found out that someone has linked to this here blog of mine.
1 million scene points to Tommy because he's cool.

And now, I have questions.
Should I add the blogs that I read to my links list?
Would this make me part of the "blogosphere" I hear of?
If I added to the link-list, would I list the lj's, or just blogs?
Am I a big geek for doing a little dance for my first link?

So many questions...

As most of you know, I don't have a cell phone, but everyone else in my house does. I don't want one. I'm not really a phone person. Mainly because I never talked on the phone much before. The only person I'd actually have conversations on the phone with was Susan, once in awhile Christina. But now they have other people to call when they're bored.

Anyway, getting back to the point, my house phone doesn't get used much. The only people who call it are relatives or someone asking if my mom can drive the rest of the girls to school.
The last time someone called for me was almost two weeks ago, Carolyn, asking if I could go somewhere, the conversation lasted about 5 minutes. I'm not complaining, really, I find it hard to carry on a conversation on the phone. I get distracted from it and start giving a running commentary on what I'm doing.

But today I got a phone call. Just for me, no one asking a question or favor.
You'd think it would be from a close friend, calling to see if I was okay because I wasn't at school.
Or possibly even my boyfriend, who I haven't spoken to in three days.
But, no.
It was from a person I don't really consider anything near a close friend, a good person and friendly classmate yes, but not someone I'd call up to make plans with or anything like that.

Justin Epling called me to make sure I got the pre-cal homework assignment.
And it made my day.
Someone noticed I was gone and cared enough to pass along the homework so I wouldn't get too far behind.

The occasional quick and considerate phone call is nice.

But please don't take this the wrong way. I know you guys care even if you don't call. It's just nice sometimes, a surprise like that. No hard feelings. And please don't think I'm asking you to call me for no reason, that's just kind of boring. "Hi, I'm bored. What are you doing? Oh, cool."
Yeah, not so great.

Ich bin krank.

I'm still sick. And I hate not going to school, but I need to rest.
I went to the hospital. Since I'm under 17, I still had to go to the pediatrics department. There were lots of little kids crying.
Anyway, they took blood for tests. They're testing me for anemia and mono. If I have mono, Danny, I'm going to kick your ass.

Tasha and I decided that I'm doing bombs/torpedoes for the history project. I get to throw stuff at people for my visual. Fun.

It kind of sucks because I can't have my mommy all to myself when I stay home now because Manda's here. Everyday. And she insists she's sick too.

I don't have anything witty to say, so bye.

I'm not going to school tomorrow. Even if I don't have fever by then, I don't have any of my crap done. My mommy said it's okay.

Oh, yeah, I have a fever again. It had gone down to normal yesterday but today it's up to 100.8 and I'm really tired.

They keep yelling, dammit.

From my 3/6 post:
"I haven't been this happy in a very long time.

I feel like dancing."

From my 3/9 post:
" The past week has been so great."

What happened?

"Sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days."
Or not.

The weeks go by so damn slowly.
I desperately want to write some stuff in here that I know I shouldn't. It wouldn't be fair. And it would just cause problems. But I can't talk to the person because he's never online or around anymore. That's already not fair.

So I'll just sit here and wallow or something.

Everything takes so long now and goes by so slowly. Except, of course, for the things I want to last a while. Especially sleep. I feel like I only slept for about an hour, I feel like that almost everyday now. It could just be spring fever, but I think it's everything. Everything is just falling out of place.

Isn't there supposed to be someone there for me to say this to, in person?
Yeah, there should. But I don't know where he is.

I need some reassurance.
I'm jealous of everyone.

"And you're not really sure what you're doing this for, but you need something to fill up the days."

I've almost finished my scarf, I just have to add fringe. I made it almost eight feet long, and skinny. I <3 it.

Full Moon Labyrinth Walk
Sunday 7:30-9:00
All Are Welcome

We stopped and looked, and it looks like a little path that just winds back and forth down a hill. But it's really cute, so if it doesn't rain we're going up there. All are welcome.

Back to the money thing, I spent a bunch. Well, not that much. I got the first three things off that list; my driver's ed, hair dye, and I chose a Blogger shirt. There were cooler shirts, but it was the cheapest. I'm trading my parents rolls of quarters for virtual money. I rolled all my change and I have around $60, but they only want quarters for the laundrymat. I've still got three rolls of $10 each to trade in.

I leave you with an indie quote, to compliment my scarf.

Body's weary, mind can hardly think. Eyes like oceans, I am submarine.

I need internet money.
I have a growing list of things that I want to buy.
Top of the list:
-Pay for driver's ed so I can get my permit ($75).
-Buy "fishbowl" green hair dye, I miss my green hair ($8).
-Buy at least one of the amazing t-shirts I've found ($15).
-Get a paid Flickr subscription ($25).

Plus tax and shipping for stuff I think I'd need about $130-135 for all of that, anyone feeling generous? I should go ask my parents for the Visa check card... They're paying for the dye and driver's ed at least. They financed my sister's pink hair all this time, why not my green?

Then there's the website thing, I'd like to have my own domain and hosting plan. Maybe I'll get to that this summer.

I'm going to go find out how much money my parents have in their checking account...

I'm reaching for the remaining bits of energy in my fever-clouded brain to put together a mildly cohesive post for the day. I think I'll stick to a recap instead of something that actually requires thought.

Let's start with where I left off last time. I couldn't decide on a topic for my history project, so I haven't done it yet, but she didn't check them in yet anyway. I didn't end up doing any homework last night. Instead I tried to go to sleep early, but someone decided it wasn't very important. My sister and my dad were attempting to transfer a video from the computer back to the camera for Crystal's history project, and they could not figure it out, and they were loud about it. I learned:
-There's always technical difficulties.
-Don't make someone else responsible for your grade.
-Don't accept responsibility for someone else's grade.

Once I fell asleep I woke up again, and again. It's not fun trying to sleep while your fever is breaking. I was burning up then freezing, repeat every hour for the rest of the night.

This morning I had a can of Starbucks double shot instead of my usual cup of coffee and can of Snapple. I was awake for about five minutes. Then came my chemistry test. Nicht gut. I was hot and achy and hadn't read half of the chapters and couldn't remember much of what I did read. But with his crazy curving and addition of random points to cover his own mistakes I think I'll do okay.

The history test was just stupid. She had questions on there about things she never even mentioned. I like how she tells us how things happened like a story, but she ends up leaving out parts and gets us confused with the other class all the time. And since when were there four countries in the Central Powers? She always said three...

Then lunch was kind of bland, and hot.

The math test was not so bad, he left out the super-hard-twenty-minutes-and-half-a-page problems, which was nice. But there was one problem using exponential functions to calculate the half-life of radioactive isotopes where the problem took about eight different calculations and included natural logs and everything, and the answer was just double one of the givens. Needless to say, I was pissed when I reread the problem. Then the power went out, but thanks to the wonder of windows we continued the test.

The shop, however, is not solar powered like our calculators. So we sat around, and kids got sent outside for wearing hats and such. At least the delinquents in that class are amusing. And Danny and some other Mexican kids were talking about burritos and one of them couldn't remember the English word for lettuce and it was the funniest thing ever. They shook their heads and walked away from me as I laughed.

I guess that brings me to when I got home. I sat around in the living room, sat in my room, checked my daily blogs and sites and such, and that's about it. I've started knitting a light scarf, because I love scarves but all of mine are too hot for spring/summer wear. Again I used the turkey basters, again my mom laughed at me as I knitted. Then we went to Starbucks, and as per tradition, I spilt my dad's hot coffee on my knee on the way back. I swear it happens every time, no matter what.

It seems I've caught up to the present, and I'm typing this. That's all, I'm tired. I hope I get to have at least a little fun this weekend though, my fever has gone down and I feel a little better.

I wasted a half an hour on this thing. You better have liked it.

While researching my history long-term, (due tomorrow, zero progress has been made) I found an interesting result. I had searched for "bolsheviks" but spelt it wrong, in the German style, as "bolscheviks." I saw that one of the sites it came up with was called Stormfront White Nationalist Community, it was the message board for Stormfront White Pride World Wide. So, being the curious child I am, I had a look around. I ended up coming across a thread about the Warped Tour. Yes, I was confused too. They didn't have much to say about the actually concert, except that there's going to be a bunch of emo kids, but they started talking about someone's anarchy-a avatar thing.
One person said this:

True anarchy is an absolute myth as it completely goes against human nature. Even without governmental structure, someone will inevitably rise up and lead.

Which I agree with for the most part, there are other reasons why it wouldn't work, but let's continue. The guy with the anarchy-a replied with this:

yes in a way anarchy is a myth but there can be commen cause if people really wanted things to change. some of us want things with out a goverment for many different reasons.
the other thing is why did the states break away from england? as i said before there are many reasons that i don't like any modern goverments and all (including any religion that get put into it). i know i want to go on and on but it would mean about an hour or two hours just getting down and typing it all for everyone that wants to read it.

Who's opinion seems more credible just by looking at it? The first guy's. See what a difference grammar makes?

Looking past the atrocious spelling and grammar errors, we see an extremely flawed point of view. After that they pretty much got back to complaining about this year's emo line-up for the tour. I'm sure there's other such conversations on there to shake your head at.

Look at that website up there, it's ridic.

Oh, and we have a little portable fan that's a gang member, picture coming soon.

I really need to set up a way to do photo emulsion for silkscreens, I have some of the(read: thee) raddest ideas for geek shirts ever. I mean really dorky, like Tasha would punch me for wearing them dorky, like Winemiller(Chem.) and Fregeau(Pre-cal.) would want them dorky.

And I would name my nerd-shirt empire, that would inevitably receive orders from every major university, either Interval Notation or Significant Figure Clothing.

I need to spend more time outside of my bedroom.

(Not that you care, but today Mr. Fregeau wrote in lowercase on the board for the first time ever, it was crazy.)

It feels really good to make a choice and know for sure that it is the right choice, to make a decision that is practically set in stone, one that nothing bad can come from. It makes you feel lighter inside, you have less to worry about. It's rare that you know you made the right choice and know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I suppose I made this decision quite some time ago, but I just realized that I made it and it's right and nothing, and no one, can change my mind about it.

I would advise you all to reevaluate something in your life and make a choice, no matter how big or small, and be sure that it's the exact right one. It's one of the best feelings.

Now back to graphing trigonometric functions.

P.S. Danke schön Lauren! Meine Plakette ist sehr nett! Ich liebe es, ich liebe dich!

To reward myself for getting my homework before 6 o'clock, I attempted to make a new banner/header thingy, but Photoshop was being a bitch, much like Blogger. Instead, I post polka dots.

Okay, as suggested I made my site feed available.

(If you don't know what I mean by that, ignore the rest of this post, or read and learn.)

Continuing on;
I made the Blogger-provided Atom feed available and also got myself a nifty little RSS feed from FeedBurner. However, since Blogger is a bitch or something, the Atom feed is not up-to-date and I don't know how to fix it. So, if you're using a reader such as Bloglines, I would recommend clicking the little XML button at the bottom of the side bar and subscribe from there. But if you're going to use Mozilla's Live Bookmarks feature, then you can just do that, it seems to work fine.

I feel pretty damn special right now.

At some point very recently I blew out one of my speakers. So now my music is accompanied by a rumbling noise. This makes doing my precal homework that much more annoying.

I can't recall playing my music particularly loud or anything. I guess they were past their prime. I think they're upwards of five years old now, complete with cigarette burn marks in the covers from when they were attached to the household computer.

I was looking at some random blogs and I realized that people must think they're really clever when they come up with their blog names and descriptions. And they try to make their posts funny and witty, and most aren't so good at any of it.

I know that when I post on here I quite often try to be funny, so I was wondering if it comes off as silly and like I'm trying too hard. Because I was under the impression that I'm a good writer, but I bet these people were, too.

I said that instead of doing my homework I just wanted to sleep, my sister insisted that I do that. She says I try too hard, and I should just do enough to be considered "good enough." She says that it's not that important. I really wish that I could see things that way sometimes, it would save me from a lot of stress. And I'd probably have more fun and all, but I can't just forget about it. I know that I can and should get A's in all of my classes and if I don't then I screwed up and didn't work hard enough. To me that's one of the worst feelings, not getting the amount of credit that I could have gotten, not doing things well enough. I guess in some ways I'm a perfectionist, but in others I'm far from it. What I know is that I have high standards for my own work, and sometimes that of others. I've been sheltered and surrounded by intelligence my whole life, and I can't accept stupidity anymore, be it mine or someone else's. And this causes problems, then combined with my procrastination problems it brings an immense amount of stress, purely from myself. No one pushes me nearly as hard as myself. My mom encourages me to do my work and all, but she's never threatened to take away privileges or anything, she's never even said that I should have done better or tried harder. This is going to sound terribly snobby, but I haven't come across anything so far that I couldn't grasp after a few days, school-wise. A few times it's taken me a little longer than others, but I've always picked things up quickly. And this scares the crap out of me. Those few times that I didn't get it right away I almost started to panic and I got really upset at myself. I know sooner or later, probably sooner, that I'm not going to understand something and I'm not going to do so well and I know that I'm going to hate myself for it. And that is a really horrible thing to think about.
Oh, don't tell me to not be so hard on myself, please. It's not as easy as it sounds, in fact, I think it may be impossible.

I'm sorry for sounding like a complete ass.

I am boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored.

Fix it.

I love how people say "I love taking pictures" when they really mean they love to be in them.

(Still listening to Bright Eyes.)

Oh, I made a new header for this blog, I don't like the current one. Here's the new one.
(Click to see it full-size.)


Should I put that one up?

Here's a scale, weigh it out.
And you'll find, easily, more than sufficient doubt that these colors you see were picked in advance, by some careful hand, with an absolute concept of beauty. They are smeared and these blurs come in random order, and the color, the eyes of your former lover's. Hers were green like July, except when she cried, they were red.

Now, I know a disease that these doctors can't treat, you contract on the day you accept all you see is a mirror. And a mirror is all it can be. A reflection of something we're missing.

And language just happened, it was never planned. And it's inadequate to describe where I am. In the room of my house, where the light's never been, waiting for this day to end.

And these clocks keep unwinding and completely ignore everything that we hate or adore. Once the page of a calendar is turned it's no more. So tell me then, what was it for? Oh, tell me, what was it for?

I really can't get rid of the Bright Eyes in my head. Damn you, Conor Oberst. I could fill this blog with the lyrics from this cd. But I will spare you, even though they're so beautiful they almost hurt. Scratch that, they do hurt. The first time I listened to it I almost had to turn it off because it was so sad.

Oh, in case you're wondering, the cd is Fevers & Mirrors, not either of the new ones, and that song was "A Scale, A Mirror, And Those Indifferent Clocks."

And, in case you were worried, I'm not in an emo mood or anything, just in the mood for emo.

I'm in a Bright Eyes mood for some reason.
Yeah, I'm an emo kid.
Shut it.

"This weather has me wanting love more tangible, something I can hold."

Side note:
If you know, which you do, and if you're my friend, which I think you are, you should tell me.

Another side note:
I shouldn't have to decipher blog posts to find out how you feel.

Shit, why can't I just talk to people? Instead I have to make these esoteric posts that probably just confuse people. IM's seem so impersonal, things can be misunderstood too easily, there's no emotion. And I don't like talking on the phone, it just feels weird. I want one-to-one conversations, in person. But it looks like that won't be happening soon.

You've got me fucked up.

Word of the week.

laconic \luh-KON-ik\, adjective:
Using or marked by the use of a minimum of words; brief and pithy; brusque.

Laconic comes, via Latin, from Greek Lakonikos, "of or relating to a Laconian or Spartan," hence "terse," in the manner of the Laconians.

Laconia was an ancient region of southern Greece in the southeastern Peloponnesus; Sparta was the capital. Its people were noted for being warlike and disciplined, and also for the brevity of their speech.

I was talking with my brother about some vocabulary words awhile back, and this was one of them. He told me a story about how his English class had vocabulary tests; the whole class had to know every single word because they were randomly picked and if they screwed up the class got points deducted. So, they would work together to remember them all, and they were trying to find some way to remember laconic. My brother pointed out that a cow is laconic. Now, there's no connection to cows other than that, but the whole class remembered the word. He claims that he recently asked a kid he still talks to from that class what laconic meant, and the kid immediately said "Like a cow!"

Joey wants me to say I'm sorry.
But I'm not sorry, I don't think there was anything wrong with being upset by thinking that you would think that I just gave up my morals to have a myspace like all the cool kids.
I thought that you guys would know by now that I will NEVER have a myspace of my own.

Anyway, I encourage everyone with a myspace to friend this person and leave a comment letting everyone know that it's not me. Danke.

Someone made me a Myspace.

WTF??!!!11

Ew. Complete with punctuation errors. This person obviously doesn't know me very well.
What's with the picture I hate? And the exclamation point after "I'm 16!"
And it says I'm single.

This confirms my theory that Myspace is evil and for losers with nothing better to do.
I don't care if you're my friends, I can never respect that website. I've seen no good come of it.

As you may have guessed, I'm kinda pissed about this.

And I really can't believe that Joey and Lauren believed it was me. You guys know me and my anti-myspace-ness. Jenny I can understand, she doesn't hear my opinions on it.
But you two? Come on now.

WHY? Why make a fake Myspace, and then make mistakes, too?
Shit.

Hey, everyone! Let's put off doing our homework to write our third post of the day!

To quote some band I can't remember the name of, from some song I can't remember the name of, "Today has sucked, I just want to go to bed, let dreams take over my head..."

Actually, to be more precise, today has sucked since I got to the bottom of the hill after school. From there I realized I had no fucking clue how I was getting home. So I sat, for about 20 minutes, then started to walk. Luckily, I was visible, so Susan and Jenny picked me up.
When I got home half of our porch was still gone, the other half just sitting there dangerously.
And my dad was being, and still is being, an ass.
My mom is still sick.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with my dad lately. If he's not at work or his friend's house he's sleeping. That is, unless it's actually time for him to sleep, at night, then he's online playing pool or something. And he's very grumpy.
And since my mom's sick Manda has taken it upon herself to do absolutely none of her school work.
But I don't really care. I've given up on trying to steer my sister towards a more definite and successful, and safe, future. She's shit out of luck if she thinks I'm going to help her, unless my mom pays me. I'm not just talking about the school stuff here.

I really should get to that homework now, 39 problems dealing with radians. Fun.

So, I put on Alkaline Trio, again, and got myself a mug of hot chocolate.
Neither is helping so far.
Here's to another week.

Everyone look at this.

Every single picture.



That made my day a little better.

SHIT.


My dad is being a royal asshole.
My mom's still throwing up almost every hour.
And I've retreated to my bedroom.

That all seemed a lot more horrible in my head.
But I don't feel any better.

Is something wrong?
I can't help but think that something changed.

Apparently I've become insecure, and possibly even "the jealous type." (note: These are my own revelations, no one has accused me, yet.)

Reassurance, maybe? Just a little?

I fucking hate cryptic blog posts, including mine.

Despite seeing dear Aya on Friday, this weekend has sucked. I've done pretty much nothing.
My dad's been asleep since breakfast.
My mom suddenly got sick, threw up a bunch, and is now sleeping.
I have no idea what's going to be done about dinner, I'll probably just eat some of my sister's macaroni-and-cheese.

I started my homework because
a) I had nothing better to do, and
b) that way I'd have nothing to worry about later on, if I ended up doing anything.
But my math homework, my only homework, is actually hard for once. And I left my binder with all my notes in my locker because I've used my notes to help with the homework a total of twice all year. Of course I leave it the time I forget how to calculate the half-life of radioactive elements and the exponential growth of bacteria and populations. Sounds like it should be science homework, but no.

Tomorrow I have a chemistry test. And I have no idea what's going on in history. I'll most likely be doing math at lunch. I screwed up cutting the trim for my shelf in shop so I have to find a way to cut more without drawing the attention of Bower. Tomorrow is sure to be fun.

Yeah, I'm not in a very good mood.
(I'd blame the Alkaline Trio and Dashboard Confessional, but that would be lying.)

One last thing.

Again, I ask, should I be worried?

"Look at how goddamn ugly the stars are."

My room is as clean as it can get when I have no closet of any form.
My shoes have more starry fabric on them.
My walls have a few more things pinned to them.
My hair is clean, and conditioned.
My homework is untouched.
My curtains are open, even though it's dark out.
My speakers are blasting Alkaline Trio and other good music.
My sister is out having coffee with Joey.
My mom thinks I'm upset about something.
My mind is all over the place today.
My gmail account has no new messages.
My bloglines feeds have no updates.
My window has a gap where the top of the glass pane should touch the frame.
My room has a fucking huge mosquito-eater in it (not due to the window gap).
My buddylist has 3 people signed on, one of them is me.
My hand has random little bumps on it.
My laptop is currently providing the only light in my room that isn't a tiny LED.
My itunes playlist has repeated at least four times, it's an hour long.

I'm bored out of my skull.
(Danny-less days suck.)

It's time for the second ever word-of-the-week here in the land of my blog.

nugatory \NOO-guh-tor-ee; NYOO-\, adjective:
1. Trifling; insignificant; inconsequential.
2. Of no force; inoperative; ineffectual.

Nugatory comes from Latin nugatorius, from nugari, to trifle, from nugae, jests, trifles. It has nothing to do with nougat, the substance found in some candy bars.

Here's the word in a sample sentence for you, because I feel gracious.
Mr. Fregeau's attempt at curving our midterm was nugatory for the most part.

(Again, definition and history brought to you by dictionary.com.)

It's raining! :)

I don't want to start my homework because that means spring break is officially over. Damn.

It's a no-go on the concert thing, so now I'm bored. And I have no plans. And I'm all dressed and such. And I just dyed the ends of my hair pink. And I gave myself an almost-haircut. And my mom doesn't like it. And I hope Aya's day gets better.

Why can't it just be summer already?

Here. I did this the other day, Wednesday I guess. But Blogger was being funky and didn't want me to post anything.



I'm off to find something to do until I leave for Imusicast. Gosh, I haven't been to a real show in so long. Maybe I'll make something for Aya...